I just made out with a guy for $7.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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