If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
