I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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