i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
