omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
