but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
