He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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