It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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