So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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