before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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