You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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