if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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