Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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