Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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