I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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