yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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