She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
