the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
