arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
