mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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