you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
