I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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