Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
