a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
