Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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