she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
