Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
