if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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