This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
