If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
