worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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