Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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