My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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