Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
