I faked an abortion last night.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
