I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
