dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
