OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
