i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
