Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
