Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Did I show you my penis last night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
