Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
