Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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