I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
