So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
