You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
