the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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