You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have already put on my inside pants.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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