I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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