I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
