isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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