it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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