I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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