A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
