Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
