I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
